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- Jim Miller:
- First People's Commissar
- Keith Kanik:
- The Demiurge and Saviour
- Lisa Greenstein:
- Pope-War Minister
- Kathleen McBrien:
- High Priestess in charge of sacrifice
- Anelise Horah:
- Patron Saint
- Sam Gailey:
- People's Defense Force and Post Master General
The above Democratic People's Unilateral Multiverate hereby declare their
secession from the Union of the United States, to form a more perfect
and grand People's Fascist Monarchy. Our manifest God-given lands hereby
include Wesleyan, Middletown, surrounding fiefs, and Alpha Centauri.
Our first official acts are to divest from South Africa, prohibit Rape Culture
and change gender references to Martin in honor of our country's official
martyr who died so that we may live and be protected from trolls. Therefore,
all men, women, womon, and wimmin, are to be changed to Martins, under
penalty of death.
First order is to liberate all nearby nuclear power plants from the
nonfascist Bully Boys who control them.
Furthermore, we welcome all other Martins willing to swear allegiance to
our manifest destiny. They may choose their own titles.
Furthermore, we immediately confer diplomatic immunity upon all citizens.
We hereby place a bounty on the heads of these enemies of the people:
- Prime Minister Gorbachev
- President Botha
- James Watt
- Genghis Khan
- Yosemite Sam
- Aegnor
- The Master
- Pia Zadora
- Simon le Bon
- Boss Hogg
- Bella Abzug
<<new additions>>
- T.S.J.
- Smurfs
- Webster
- ALF
- Poindexter
- Karl Mecklenberg
- Oral Roberts
- Bruce Springsteen
- Ollie North
- Marty Abbott
- Andrew Dater
- VAX-8550 Eagle
- SAGA Food Service (Soviet Attempt to Gag Americans) and Marriot Corporation
- UPS
- AAA
The bounty is automatic citizenship.
Our official Vegetable is the eggplant.
Our official Animal is the Wart Hog.
Our official Mascot is Igor Footbiter, Ferret of Ferrets.
Our Colors are cosmic radiation.
Official Comedians: Louis Farakkhan, Herbert Armstrong, and Lyndon LaRouche.
Official Language: Linear A (Knossos, Crete)
Official Bird: Jane Seymour (English Martin)
Official Sports: Zero G Roller Ball back rubs
Constitution
WE the Martins, of the Grand People's Fascist Monarchy of Nebutu, do
hereby enact this constitution.
- Article I
- All Martins are created equal.
- Article II
- All Martins have an equal chance to pursue socialism,
free love, chocolate, experience points, and an infinite
amount of disk space.
- Article III
- All citizens are declared omnipotent and infallible.
- Article IV
- Any Martin has the priviledge, bestowed by the Great Martin
in the sky, to levy any and all taxes.
- Article V
- We have the right to extradite any people we don't like.
- Article VI
- By vote of 3/5 of the Martins any Martin can be
breadcrumbed
- Article VIb
- Periods are purely optional.
- Article VIII
- This constitution can be amended only if you change it.
- Amendment I
- All further Amendments shall follow.
- Amendment II
- In all people's discussions the following rules shall apply.
Martin's Rules of Order:
- Martins who shout loudest shall be best heard, but most ignored.
- We are all Rulers, thus we may all ignore each other.
- Amendment III
- Power of the People's treasury shall be controlled by the
Martin who has the money.
- Amendment IV
- No alcohol, drugs, or sex may be allowed in the Grand
People's Fascist Monarchy of Nebutu.
- Amendment V
- Amendment IV is immediately repealed.
- Amendment VI
- Anyone following Amendment IV will be turned over to the High
Priestess for Reeducation.
- Amendment VII
- For those of you who are particularly dense, this means that
YOU ARE ALLOWED AND ENCOURAGED TO DRINK, INGEST BIZARRE
SUBSTANCES, AND SCREW.
- Amendment VIII
- Anyone caught not following Amendment VII is to be handed
over to our Official Comedians.
- Amendment IX
- All Fridays shall follow Saturdays; all Saturdays shall
follow Fridays.
- Amendment X
- Immediately introduce Aid Blind, Shop Around, and automatic
4.3 GPA for all Martins.
- Amendment XI
- All professors must write papers or take student-designed
exams.
- Amendment XII
- Official religion of the Grand People's Fascist Monarchy of
Nebutu shall be hereby nicknamed "Like France."
- Amendment XIV
- There shall be no Amendment XIII
- Amendment XV
- As implied by Amendment X, and Constitutionally ordained
infalliability, All Martindom Is Hereby Declared To Be:
genii (and as such, claim the de facto title:
Genius in Residence {or alternative spelling})
- Amendment XVI
- As Monarchs, Declare ourselves to be competent (loosely
defined) to operate a Pretentious Class Starship, to be
known as the People's Fascist Starship Nebutu; everafter
(and forever more) refered to as P.F.S.S. Nebutu, Serial #
DEC-0020.
- Amendment XVII
- The Terminal room, previously referred to as "ROOM 523"
will hereafter and everafter be known, affectionately,
as "The Command Bridge", and shall, in keeping with
tradition, be forbidden to ever have a bathroom.
Religious Dogmas of "Like France"
- The official nickname is pronounced Quote Like France Unquote.
- Martin was the product of immaculate conception and conspicuous
consumption.
- The Earth was created on a Tuesday, twenty years ago.
- The Earth isn't flat, but the sun is.
- The Earth is shaped like a spermatazoan.
- The Earth is made up of earthlike material.
- Tautologies are the official holy language.
- The Wart Hog is immediately declared kosher. Hunting season is on
the Wart Hog is now declared open.
- Official body and blood of the Great Martin in the Sky is the
Twinkie and Mr. Boston. These are His sacraments.
- Holy wars are holy, and this includes Assassin.
- This religion is full of ca-ca.
PS: All prospective Martins shall send their titles, Amendments, enemies,
and dogma. Please send all inquiries via general dispersion. Send to
everyone, or use a mailing list.
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